What's there to look forward to beyond what I see and feel?

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

Looking back in the past years here are some major milestones I had:
- I got my first job in the IT industry after graduation
- I bought my first IBM laptop and Apple Macbook Pro notebook
- I bought my first Gameboy SP and PSP 2000
- I had my first resignation from my first job, had my second and third job!
- My boyfriend and I were buddies before we got together as couples
- I had 2 breeds of dogs: Sharpei and Basset Hound
- I learned how to swim and overcame the fear of drowning
- I had 3 major climbs: Mt. Balingkilat, Mt. Lucban de Banahaw and Mt. Pulag (Akiki-Ambangeg)
- I traveled to these places: US, India, UK, Switzerland, Singapore
- I am free from the major heart ache in college (my closest friends know this) = Turning point in my life
- Someone proposed for marriage and I said "yes"
- I won Badminton tournaments with my baddy partners
- I took one major TRUST fall...


2012. This they say is a very lucky year and I wonder what's in store for me this year...

I long for a new life...
I long for a new start...
No more hurts or pains...

I long to live my dreams with that someone whom I can share it with - Someone to support me and to push me when I dare to back out; Someone who believes in me with all his heart... and someone who'll entrust his heart to me.

I hope that "someone" feels me and can heal my soul...
I hope, too, that I can feel myself and help heal my soul.

Now, where am I?
...Probably about to begin the best (of the last) of my days.

Writing Letters

PS: I Love You

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?

~~~

I started writing letters when I was 10 years old.  I wrote a friendly note to a guy named Patricio Bautista Jr. in Nueva Ecija, Philippines.  That was the first and last letter that he received from me.  After 16 years, my family came back to Nueva Ecija for a visit and I saw the guy.  I was told that he knew I was going to come back in the vicinity.  So he searched for me.  Unfortunately, he was not able to recognize me anymore.  He called my sister by my name and he was always smiling at her. So I thought, he may still have not forgotten me - or at least my name. I only saw him twice in my life... Yet probably it was the impact of the letter.

What was in the letter?
As far as I could remember, I thanked him for keeping me company for the 3 day vacation in Nueva Ecija. I told him he was nice and he should stay that way until he grows old.

~~~

I had the habit of writing friendly letters to friends and love letters to my mother and father (that made them cry) and love letters (to lovers - in the past) and to my current lover.

It's my way of expressing my feelings to the other person in written form.  Reading is like talking as they say.  You can just imagine that person who wrote the letter speaking right in front of you.

It's funny that in the internet, they give you tips on writing love letters such as:
- putting a picture of your significant other in front of you to help inspire you write a letter
- romantic tune to put you in the mood
- put a dab of cologne in your letter before sending it out
- wait a day before sending the letter in case you said something you may regret later, etc.

In reality, you may write your letter in any format as you wish as long as you are comfortable. The most important thing is that you're able to have your 'love' message sent across the person's heart.
It may be in a tissue paper, pad paper, a nice stationery, or a graphing paper or a scrap paper.


Before writing your letter, make sure you have an idea in mind of what you want to say and mean. Put loving words and appreciation.  Never put something that could hurt somebody reading your letter or hate you in return. Those may be the last words they get from you - or that may be the last time you ever write them a letter. Keep your words true to yourself.  Be honest and be comfortable in writing the letter. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person reading your letter... and 'feel' how they may feel after reading the letter.


Sending a snail mail or a personal letter written on paper, I think, is more romantic than typing it in an Email, in Facebook or whichever form.  You can feel the presence of the person sending you their message and they can make you feel even more special.

Keeping the messages true and honest can give impact to someone's life. I guess this is also what moves lovers from different parts of the world - loving in such far away distances - to more intimate and personal relationship. Who would have known that lovers thousand miles apart (esp for Filipino OCWs working abroad and getting in touch with their wife and families) could still be reunited by love letters? It may be because of the power of loving words and assurance to their loved ones that they'd come back home and the other person at the side of the world would yearn for that day that they'd be together again.

I may have written harsh letters, too... Sadly, but I wanted to say sorry for those things that hurt my love the most.  It was the only 'hate' letter I have written and it is worth burning... :-( Or should I say, too, that I am?
For my angel, I am sorry I have written bad things to you in the most recent past. I hope you forgive me if you ever get the chance to read this.  I love you and you know that.

Never my love...

You ask me if there'll come a time
When I grow tired of you
Never my love...

You wonder if this heart of mine
Will lose its desire for you
Never my love...

It's been months and the last time I saw the real you was this January.  We were so happy then...  I had decided to throw my worn armor - I knew after sometime it would break and it may lead me to another fall - the same fall I had way back in 2006.  The pain was there and the only thing that I remembered was I had to do things real hard and be patient to help me recover.  I had to choose something that could replace you (even if it meant that I had to overcome my greatest fear of drowning) but I guess I still wanted to go back to you and I did...  I had to keep up with other people who wanted to be with you, too.  I know you have a special place for me in there that nobody can occupy.  I know you'll always keep me there - safe.

Now if you ask me if I would ever go back to the time where we first met, I would say 'Yes' (...now where was that again?  I have to search for it somewhere in the map) I know you would gladly accept me back as I am.  I would just have to wear my happy red shoes.

Thank you for the memories.

Would you stay for someone that long?

I read old emails from my email account. I found this one. I think this is worth sharing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This is a true story that happened in Japan.

In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tear open the wall.

Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet. He sees this, feels pity and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.

What happened?

The lizard has survived in such position for 10 years!?!! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling.

Then he wondered, how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step - Since its feet was nailed!

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what has it been doing and what has it been eating? Later, don't know from where appears another lizard, with food in its mouth...

AHHH! He was stunned and touched deeply. For the lizard that was stuck by nail, another lizard has been feeding it for the past 10 years...*sob*

Such a love, such a beautiful love!! Such love happened even on this tiny creature... What can love do? It can do wonders!! Love can do miracles!!

Imagine it has been doing it for a tiredsome 10 yrs, without giving up hope on its partner.
Imagine what a small creature can do that a creature blessed with the brilliant mind can't.

I am touched when I heard this story. And started wondering the relationship between them: family, friends, lovers, brothers, sisters......

As the technology advances, our access to information become faster and faster. But the distance between human beings, was it getting closer as well?


NEVER ABANDON YOUR LOVED ONES.

~~~~~~~~~

In life we may be crippled by some situations where we may tend to break when we are stretched to our limits. Some may leave and some may stay in the relationship.

Loving someone ang staying in love may be difficult. But as long as you hang in there - there's hope that you'll reap the benefits in the long run.

Believe in the best of what your partner can do. Be with them in times when they need you the most. :) Be thankful that they had been given to you as a gift to be taken cared of and to be cherished for life.

What if... You start living like today was your last?

A lot of us may have gone through the stage where we have asked ourselves these questions:

"What if I fell in love with somebody else, would I have done better?"
"What if I was to start my life all over again, should I have done it the other way?"
"What if I was not good at this?"
"What if I was destined to be alone?"
"What if I did this and not that?"

"What if I died today, will I have to worry about my what ifs?"

We continue to struggle with these two words, "what if" especially when we doubt ourselves and think that there are things we could have done to prevent things from happening.

Having these doubts make us think of the negative effects on us instead of looking at the brighter side of things - of what we can do to make things right the second time.

Most often than not, we doubt, we fear and we get back into our comfort zone. But what if we convert that doubt, that fear and comfort into something bigger than what we can think of? Instead of thinking of doubts - you say "I BELIEVE" and instead of having that fear - you step in with the biggest COURAGE you ever had and instead of going back to your comfort zone, you take the jump off the cliff with the RISK?

What if those doubts, fears and comfort don't exist and all there is was BELIEF in yourself that you will be able to overcome all the challenges in your life?

I AM COURAGEOUS.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I AM A RISK TAKER.

Isn't it high time that you do something for yourself rather than worry about the unknown? There may be no guarantees, but the biggest step is for you to move forward and be better.

Think of the NOW... Don't worry about the past nor the future. Live in the NOW... Start living your life today as if it was your last. Is there anything sweeter than that?

One thing that I got from one of the life changing seminars was:

"If it scares you, you're probably doing the right thing."

So for that someone out there - I believe that you can overcome your what ifs. You are the smartest person I know right now who can think of the best solutions. I know you have gathered the strength and courage to be where you are right now. You may take a step back - but don't go back... Keep moving forward. You are bigger than yourself now. You have always moved me by your silent ways. You may have struggles right now but I know that in your heart, you have the biggest COURAGE there is to fight your fears, biggest BELIEF in yourself to fight your doubts, and you are the BEST RISK TAKER I know to overcome everything. Know that I am here to hold your hand when you need someone to take that jump! :)

You ARE the most successful person in the world...
Have faith...

Enjoy... Be happy but don't be stupid.

...
When the workin',
When the working day is done.
Oh,when the working day is done,
Oh,girls,
Girls just wanna have fu-un.
...

After a day of 'hard' work or a stressful day, I can always treat myself to the spa and get a massage.  But having fun with my girl friends is better than being alone on my 'me' time.  It's good having nice people around you to boost your energy level and if having fun means going out on date nights with them, then go.  

Just be responsible for yourself - taking the right amount of alcoholic beverages, smoking a few sticks (if you do smoke) or none at all, and dancing your move to the beat of the music.  You may meet some new people, women and men.  Some men may get your number and text you for any meet up at anytime after the night out.  If you're single and not committed, you may take a chance for it for a new relationship but if you're not into having those type of relationships - flings and temporary meaningless relationships - better wait or look for that someone who will keep you... or better yet, be the right person for someone whom you'll meet in the future. Enjoy the fun...be happy but don't be stupid especially when someone home is waiting for you...

Love the one you're with.  Don't be stupid...